SDSU Entry Level Sales Position that Will Maximize My Drive for Success Discussion 1. Review the Cover Letter Sample in the Materials to Critique folder. I

SDSU Entry Level Sales Position that Will Maximize My Drive for Success Discussion 1. Review the Cover Letter Sample in the Materials to Critique folder. Identify 5 specific issues that need improvement. What advice would you give the writer for improving his cover letter?2. Review Resume A1 and Resume A2 in the Materials to Critique folder. Assuming A2 is a revision of A1, identify some specific improvements. Also identify a few issues issues that still need improvement. 1/23/2012
J.P. Morgan
Dear Sir or Madame:
I am an ambitious undergraduate at NYU triple majoring in Mathematics, Economics, and
Computer Science. I am a punctual, personable, and shrewd individual, yet I have a quality
which I pride myself on more than any of these.
I am unequivocally the most unflaggingly hard worker I know, and I love self-improvement. I
have always felt that my time should be spent wisely, so I continuously challenge myself; I left
Villanova because the work was too easy. Once I realized I could achieve a perfect GPA while
holding a part-time job at NYU, I decided to redouble my effort by placing out of two classes,
taking two honors classes, and holding two part-time jobs. That semester I achieved a 3.93, and
in the same time I managed to bench double my bodyweight and do 35 pull-ups.
I say these things only because solid evidence is more convincing than unverifiable statements,
and I want to demonstrate that I am a hard worker. J.P. Morgan is a firm with a reputation that
precedes itself and employees who represent only the best and brightest in finance. I know that
the employees in this firm will push me to excellence, especially within the Investment Banking
division. In fact, one of the supporting reasons I chose Investment Banking over any other
division was that I know it is difficult. I hope to augment my character by diligently working for
the professionals at Morgan Stanley, and I feel I have much to offer in return.
I am proficient in several programming languages, and I can pick up a new one very quickly. For
instance, I learned a years worth of Java from NYU in 27 days on my own; this is how I placed
out of two including: Money and Banking, Analysis, Game Theory, Probability and Statistics.
Even further, I am taking Machine Learning and Probabilistic Graphical Modeling currently, two
programming courses offered by Stanford, so that I may truly offer the most if I am accepted. I
am proficient with Bloomberg terminals, excellent with excel, and can perform basic office
functions with terrifying efficiency. I have plenty of experience in the professional world through
my internship at Merrill Lynch, and my research assistant position at NYU. In fact, my most
recent employer has found me so useful that he promoted me to a Research Assistant and an
official CTED intern. This role is usually reserved for Masters students, but my employer gave
the title to me so that he could give me more work.
Please realize that I am not a braggart or conceited, I just want to outline my usefulness. Egos
can be a huge liability, and I try not to have one.
Thank you so much for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Best,
Mark
Reprinted from the Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/10/cover-letter-to-jpmorgan-laughing-stock-of-wall-street-goes-_n_1268695.html
Bambi Wayne Nielson
444$ Internship Drive
Downtown, SD, 92101
619.594.6540
OBJECTIVE:
Entry-level sales position that will maximize my drive for success
EDUCATION Bachelor’s Degree in Business Administration and
May 2012
Integrated Marketing Communications
San Diego State University, San Diego, CA
EXPERIENCE
Assistant Manager – Radio Shack, San Diego, CA
problems
Oct. 2010 – Present
•
•
Maintain expertise with electronic and wireless products;
Provide exceptional customer service with solutions for wireless and electronic
•
•
•
•
•
•
? Qualifying customer needs in order to sale appropriate merchandise solutions
Set a positive environment for both employees and customers
Hire, train and supervise a sales staff of 15 employees with low-turnover
Consistently connect with customers in order to close sales
Achieved ranking in the top five for store-productivity within regional district
? Assisted with action plan to increase store volume 5% quarterly
Loss Prevention Specialist – Nordstrom Rack, San Diego, CA
o
o
o
o
2009 – Sept. 2010
Conducted routine inspections of facility to maintain physical security.
Responsble for reporting and resolving matters in the area if inventory shortage occurred
Monitored closed circuit television systems
Prevented internal/external thief and resolved inventory shortages
Cashier – Kragen Auto Parts, Riverside, CA
SKILLS:
• Bi-lingual in English and Chinese
• Strong verbal/written communicator
• Highly effective team player.
• 60 wpm typing speed
OTHER EXPRIENCE
• YMCA, San Diego, CA
References: Available if interview requested.
Feb. 2003 – Sept. 2009
•
•
•
Good at motivating others
Enthusiastic and cooperative
Microsoft Office: Word, Excel,
Outlook, Powerpoint, Access
2007
Bambi Wayne Nielson
444$ Internship Drive
Downtown, SD, 92101
619.594.6540
OBJECTIVE:
Entry-level sales representative position with potential for increased
networking and marketing responsibility
EDUCATION:
Bachelor’s Degree in Business Administration and
Integrated Marketing Communications
• GPA 3.39
San Diego State University, San Diego, CA
May 2012
EXPERIENCE:
Assistant Manager – Radio Shack, San Diego, CA
•
•
•
•
•
Oct. 2010 – Present
Hire, train and supervise a sales staff of 15 employees with low-turnover
Maintain expertise with electronic and wireless products
Consistently connect with customers in order to close sales
Achieved ranking in the top five for store-productivity within regional district
Assisted with action plan to increase store volume 5% quarterly
Loss Prevention Specialist – Nordstrom Rack, San Diego, CA Sept. 2009 – Sept. 2010
•
Prevented internal/external thief and resolved inventory shortages
Cashier – Kragen Auto Parts, Riverside, CA
•
Feb. 2003 – Sept. 2009
Processed sales, assisted with inventory management
SKILLS:
• Microsoft Office: Word, Excel,
Outlook, Powerpoint, Access
• 60 wpm typing speed
• Bi-lingual in English and Chinese
•
•
•
Strong verbal/written communicator
Highly effective team player
Good at motivating others
OTHER EXPERIENCE:
• Event Sales Volunteer at the YMCA, San Diego, CA
2007

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