ECE 313 Ashford University Secure Attachment in Children Discussion This is a discussion post. Not title page please.
The development of attachment is a process that children go through, which families and early care educators can have a positive impact on. Chapter 2 of the text and Nancy Balaban’s article, “Easing the Separation Process for Infants, Toddlers, and Families” explain the four types of attachment:
Secure attachment
Insecure/avoidant attachment
Insecure/resistant/ambivalent attachment
Disoriented/disorganized attachment.
Select one of the four attachment styles above. Imagine that a child in your program is exhibiting attachment issues in this type of attachment. For this discussion, explain how you might communicate with parents to help foster a positive attachment in the early care and education program. Your response should address the following:
Characteristics of this type of attachment to inform parents
Shared communication plan to engage parents
Suggestions that you would offer to foster a positive attachment in the classroom
Include your choice of attachment type in the Subject line of your discussion post. Be sure your discussion post also includes a reference to the textbook to support your ideas.
TURNITIN SCORE SHOULD BE AT OR BELOW 20% as I will be checking…thanks.
MAKE SURE TO USE APA IN TEXT CITATION
Resources
Balaban, N. (2006). Easing the separation process for infants, toddlers, and families. Young Children on the Web. Retrieved from http://www.naeyc.org/files/yc/file/200611/BTJBalab…
This article talks about the power of attachment and how educators can help children and families develop positive relationships.
Wittmer, D. (2011). Attachment: What works?Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning, 24. Retrieved from http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/briefs/wwb_24.pdf
This article explains attachment, describes the characteristics of children’s attachment, discusses cultural differences in attachment, and provides strategies to promote children’s secure attachment.
KVPTPBS. (2009, May 6). Separation anxiety (Links to an external site.) [Video file]. Retrieved from
This video highlights the issue of separation anxiety in preschool and offers insight on how to support children’s development of secure attachment. Easing the Separation Process for
Infants, Toddlers, and Families
Nancy Balaban
Seven-month-old Max sits on his mother’s lap
while she talks with Alice, Max’s primary caregiver.
She says goodbye, kisses Max, and hands him to
Alice. Max bursts into tears. “Mommy will be back
after your nap,” Alice tells him.
They sit on the floor to look at Max’s family
pictures. “Oh, look, here’s Mommy and Sandy,
your dog. Woof-woof!” As Max begins to calm,
Alice cuddles him and reads him his favorite book.
I T’S A COMMON SIGHT, one we see every day in child care
centers and family child care homes. Families and children say goodbye in the morning and then say hello at
the end of the day—a repeated demonstration that separation and attachment are two sides of the same coin; a
daily declaration of love.
The power of attachment
Nancy Balaban, EdD, is on the
faculty of the Infant and Parent
Development and Early Intervention
program in the Bank Street Graduate
School of Education, New York City.
She is the author of many articles
and a recent book about separation,
Everyday Goodbyes: Starting School
and Early Care—A Guide to the
Separation Process.
Photos © Ellen B. Senisi. Illustration © Adjoa Burrowes.
Attachment and separation are the stuff of which life is
made. Feelings about saying goodbye aren’t restricted to
child care situations. Separating from someone we love
and care about is a lifelong experience that affects every
one of us many times during the course of our lives. How
many separation experiences has each of us had!
We begin life with a separation from our nine-month
inner home. We leave home to go to school or camp or college. We graduate and
leave again. We move to a new home, take a new job, go on a vacation trip. Some
get married, some get divorced, and usually we all suffer the ultimate separation,
the death of a loved one. The task of adjustment to these separations challenges us
at every stage of life, from infancy on. Characteristic of all these experiences is
leaving the familiar and heading into the unknown. Where would we be without the
strength of our attachments?
The bonds between family and child promote resilience, self-regulation, and a
positive sense of self. Because firm ties to another help us develop autonomy and
the belief that we are lovable, it is critical to encourage and value strong attachments not only between children and parents, but also between teachers and the
infants and toddlers they care for (Honig 2002a). If attachment is misunderstood
as dependence, it may be wrongly discouraged.
Beyond the Journal • Young Children on the Web • November 2006
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Infants’ and toddlers’ trusting attachments to their teachers are
critical in helping them cope with
the stress of separation.
I saw an example of this recently. A director admonished
a teacher for holding a two-year-old on her lap several
times during the morning because “you are spoiling and
babying the child.”
Attachment fosters children’s development
We know a lot about attachment. According to Eliot
(2000), babies are programmed to grow attached to their
parents or primary caregivers due to development in their
brain’s frontal lobe. The attachment relationship “seems to
be responsible for modulating stress. Attachment and brain
development are a two-way street” (p. 311). Quality child
care, in Eliot’s view, is key in protecting babies’ brains and
emotional development.
In quality child care infants’ and toddlers’ trusting attachments to their teachers are critical in helping them
cope with the stress of separation. Since stress can cause
elevated levels of the hormone cortisol, a potential hazard
to the brain, and since attachment seems to offer protection, we have another powerful reason to nurture and
treasure our attachments with others.
Thanks to the seminal work of Ainsworth and Wittig
(1969); Bowlby (1969); Mahler, Pine, and Bergman (1975),
and a more recent explication by Honig (2002b), we understand that the young child’s slow developmental journey
leads to the creation of a person who is both attached to
the parent yet separate—a paradox: bound yet free, close
yet apart. This human dilemma has been defined as a
“developmental necessity” (Resch 1977).
According to the theory of Margaret Mahler (Mahler, Pine, & Bergman l975), children
and their parents travel together through a series of developmental phases that enable
the children, at around age three, to become certain that “I’m me and no one else.”
This process becomes partially observable, for example, around seven to nine months,
when a baby may become fussy about going to anyone other than a parent. This can
be hard on visiting grandparents, other relatives, or caregivers, and embarrassing to
parents. However, this is really a baby’s way of saying to the adult, “I love you, and I
don’t want to be messing around with anyone else.” Baby and parent hopefully withstand this mild storm and then head together into toddlerhood, where the emotional
weather gets a bit more turbulent.
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It’s exciting when a just-walking child, lured by enchanting sights and sounds, wanders off without a backward glance. But somewhere around 18 to 24 months, according
to Mahler’s theory, this runabout toddler becomes aware of her own vulnerability:
“Hey, wait a minute. I’m too little to be away from you too long; I can’t take care of
myself. I need you!” So parents, who have figured out how to give the toddler some rein
without the bit, suddenly find this young wanderer clinging to their legs or climbing
into their lap for what Mahler calls “emotional refueling.”
It’s at this point that parents as well as teachers must cope with toddlers’ being
pulled in two directions at once. One moment they strike out on their own (“I do it
myself!”); then moments later they plop down in a lap, seeking security and safety. By
negotiating this tempestuous time, parents and toddlers not only become separate
from one another, but as long as the parent is a reliable, loving, secure base, the two
also become more securely joined.
The internal parent
In some groups
children develop
attachments to
several caregivers.
By the time most babies become toddlers, they are beginning to be able to hold in
their minds an internal image of their attachment person or persons. My colleague
Virginia Casper (pers. comm.
2005) calls this a “love memory.”
Imagine a grandmother at an
airport bidding her grandson
goodbye. She can draw on the
love memory of her grandson to
alleviate the pain of parting, and
he can do the same by thinking
about her. Toddlers also try to
rely on love memories for comfort, especially at the moment of
separation. However, at a time of
great stress, a still fragile love
memory may not be available.
As this dear memory image
recedes, the toddler could feel
as though the person has disappeared.
Here is an example. I was
standing next to a two-year-old
and his father, waiting for an
elevator. When the elevator
door opened, the father stepped
in, assuming the child was
following. But the door shut, leaving the child with me, a stranger. Screaming, the
toddler threw himself on the floor. To him, his father had been swallowed alive. My
assurance that “he’s coming right back” did no good. Finally the elevator returned,
miraculously spitting out his worried father and reuniting him with the terrified child.
This example sheds light on the fragility of that inner image and why infants and
toddlers need time and sensitivity to cope with the stress of separation.
Beyond the Journal • Young Children on the Web • November 2006
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Variations in attachment
Adults’ experiences from their
own childhood
may influence
their feelings
about separation.
While Mahler’s theory of developmental phases is one among
others, in your work you may see
some aspects of the behaviors she
describes. Although attachment to
a secure base and the reaction to
strangers are universal (Eliot 2000),
there are variations on the theme.
In some groups children develop
attachments to several caregivers.
For example, perhaps you have
seen a toddler arrive at her familiar
early care setting with an aunt and
a cousin, as well as a grandparent
in tow, and then bid goodbye to
them all. While this may lessen the
stress of separating within the
familiar community group, it may
make it difficult for the child to go
to a stranger (Gonzalez-Mena 2005).
At the other extreme, there are
families who do not risk forming
attachments with their babies due
to living conditions of dire poverty
and widespread infant mortality
(Rogoff 2003; Gonzalez-Mena 2005).
Other factors come into play in the drama of attachment and separation. Consider
temperament, which may influence the manner in which infants and toddlers react to
separation (Kristal 2005). How adaptable is an infant to new situations? How easily
soothed when upset? How intense is a toddler in expressing emotions? These temperamental factors put a stamp on the way a child faces the world. Adults as well come
with assorted temperaments that affect how they separate from their children. A
parent might be wary in saying goodbye, while the child might be easygoing.
How teachers regard a child’s temperament is another consideration. Teachers may
be influenced by their own cultural socialization goals. A recent study found that in
China teachers view shy, sensitive children as socially and academically competent,
while in North America teachers are likely to view shy, sensitive children as lonely and
depressed (Carlson, Feng, & Harwood 2004).
In early care programs we need to remember that adults’ experiences from their
own childhood may influence their feelings about separation. A parent was very tense
bringing her son to the classroom, because her own long-ago early childhood experience involved a punitive teacher. She wrote,
The pain of separation is not only from your child but from your own childhood. . . .
The past lives on . . . the dangers that lurked in [my world] are simply nowhere to be
found in [my son’s]. I know that I can never get my childhood back, and still, when I
enter his classroom, with its smell of milk and warm bodies, the adult veneer begins to
crack. (Franks 1989)
Family circumstances—a new baby, a parent away from home for a period of time, a
move to a new home, the death of a pet, marital stress or violence—also affect how
children react to separation. Even a change in the family constellation can affect a
child (Kristal 2005), as happened for a 23-month-old who had been secure in early
care for over a year:
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Amanda’s father brought her to the center
accompanied by her grandparents, freshly
arrived from China. They were there to
help her mother, who was about to give
birth. Amanda was engrossed at the water
table but became frantic as the three
family members began to leave without
saying goodbye. Her father held her for a
long time while she sobbed. The abrupt
departure, the new family arrangement,
plus the impending birth affected
Amanda’s usual ability to separate.
Children with special needs
Although children with special
needs or disabilities are as attached to
their parents as most children, they
may experience a delay in the expression of their separation reactions
(Foley 1986), and their cues may be
subtle or difficult to read. A study of
separation reactions in children with
mild retardation, ages three to five
years, with developmental ages oneand-a-half to two-and-a-half, revealed
that the children did not give strong
clues to their feelings (Kessler, Ablon,
& Smith 1969). Their regressive behav-
Resources on Different
Cultural Approaches to
Childrearing
Carlson, V.J., & R.L. Harwood. Dec 1999/
Jan 2000. Understanding and negotiating
cultural differences concerning early
developmental competence: The sixraisin solution. Zero to Three. Adapted
version online: www.zerotothree.org/
vol20-3.html#six-solution.
Gonzalez-Mena, J. 2005. Attachment and
separation. In Diversity in early care and
education, 4th ed., 79–91. New York:
McGraw-Hill.
Gonzalez-Mena, J. 2005. A framework for
understanding differences. In Diversity in
early care and education, 4th ed., 61–77.
New York: McGraw-Hill.
Gonzalez-Mena, J., & N. Bhavnagri. 2000.
Diversity and infant/toddler caregiving.
Young Children 55 (5): 31–35.
Harkness, S., & C.M. Super, eds. 1996.
Parental theories in the management of
young children’s sleep in Japan, Italy,
and the United States. In Parents’ cultural
belief systems: Their origins, expressions, and consequences, 364–84. New
York: Guilford.
ior was often attributed to the retardation
itself, and their aimless running around to
hyperactivity rather than separation reactions. The teachers encouraged the children’s responses to separation by talking
about where their mothers were, what the
mothers were doing, and when they were
coming back. When the teachers also
helped parents recognize that their
children’s behavior reflected feelings of
anxiety about separation, the mothers
began to understand the depth of their
children’s attachment.
Children with special needs may be put
on a school bus without due consideration for their feelings about separating
from their families and connecting to new
teachers. In a program for two-year-olds with cerebral palsy, the teachers seldom saw
the families because the children arrived by bus. One boy spent a lot of time crying,
refusing the teacher’s attention. Sensing that he missed his family, the teacher asked
his mother to ride the bus with him and come into the classroom. Her short visits and
Beyond the Journal • Young Children on the Web • November 2006
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time on the bus gave her son the security he needed to sustain the separation. The
staff were able to help him by reflecting his feelings, saying, “I know you miss your
mom, but you’ll see her soon when the bus takes you home after school.”
In another early intervention program, teachers encouraged families to use a predictable daily ritual for saying goodbye—for example, a kiss, a hug, and a high-five,
always in the same order. Teachers and families sent a “communication book” back
and forth daily, between center and home, in which each wrote facts important for the
other to know.
The effects of culture
Cultural preferences may influence
how some separations take place. In a
small study of mothers’ preferences in
toddler attachment behaviors, Anglo
mothers disliked clinginess and preferred their children playing at a distance. Puerto Rican mothers, on the
other hand, preferred their toddlers to
sit close by and display respectfulness
(Harwood & Miller 1991). As teachers,
we need to understand the importance
of cultural beliefs and what separation
means to families of diverse cultures.
Another study that included a small
group of young Korean American children revealed that the children were
taught by their families that it is a
virtue to hide their feelings and to show deference to teachers (Chu 1978). Their
teachers were not Korean American, so we must wonder what the teachers thought.
Did they think the children didn’t miss their families because they didn’t cry? Or did
the teachers think that the children’s self-control was a sign of precocious maturity?
Did the teachers know that Korean culture values undemonstrative behavior?
The challenge for early care teachers is to understand that a family’s point of view
about raising their child is valid for that family as long as it does no harm. There is
abundant information to help teachers understand the variety of familial and cultural
beliefs that exist (see “Resources on Different Cultural Approaches to Childrearing”).
However, we can learn from families themselves, if we listen well and do not rush to
judge practices that are different from our own. It is more respectful to say “Please tell
me how you [bathe/feed/give guidance to/toilet train] your child” than to share our
ideas of the “correct” way. We need to listen and learn, even if what we hear makes us
uncomfortable (such as “I put her on the potty starting at three months”). While an
accepting attitude takes considerable practice and requires the support of others, it
can forge strong teacher-family relationships.
A curriculum of trust
By developing a curriculum of trust, teachers can help infants and toddlers, when
away from their families in early care, to achieve well-being and comfort as well as the
ability to learn (see “Five Tips for Creating a Curriculum of Trust”). Recognition that
separation reactions in young children can be expected and are valid provides an
unparalleled contribution to children’s development. It is you—early care teachers—
Beyond the Journal • Young Children on the Web • November 2006
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Five Tips for Creating a Curriculum of Trust
1. Use a primary caregiving system in which each early care teacher forms a
miniature family group of three or four children, focusing on routines like feeding, changing, napping, and playing (Baker & Manfredi/Petitt 2004). Although the caregiver-child
relationship is close, it is not exclusive. The best system relies on the cooperation and
mutual helpfulness of the caregiving team. If a teacher is comforting a baby and another
child from her primary group requires attention, the teacher needs to know that another
staff member will pitch in to help.
The primary caregiver provides a secure base for the child and the family. The relationship eases a child’s anxiety and reassures the family not only during the transition from
home to center care, but throughout the whole of the child’s stay. Primary caregiving has
been described as being “best for everyone involved” (Bernhardt 2000, 74).
2. Institute a gradual easing into the program for the family and child together.
A slow entry process gives the child time to adjust, the parent time to know the early care
teacher, and the teacher time to know the child and family. Many programs invite a family
member and the child to stay only a short time on the child’s first day and then increase
the time each day for two or three days, until the adult says, “Goodbye, I’ll be back later,”
and the teacher supports the separation.
Programs must explain the purpose of the plan for gradual adjustment to families before
they enter. An easing-in process isn’t simple when a parent must go to work, but trying to
facilitate it is worth the effort. The payback is a happy child and a trusting parent.
3. Be there to support the everyday goodbyes. Hugging, kissing, crying, waving
at the window or door, saying “I love you”—all allow feelings to come out in the open.
Emphasizing that Mom or Dad or Grandma will be back is very important, because young
children are not always sure that is so. Since separation is a central concern in early
childhood, teacher support may be required throughout the year. When teachers form a
secure base with children, children are able to explore and learn.
Research shows that the quality of early relationships with teachers is an important
predictor of children’s future social relations with peers and their later school satisfaction
and achievement (Howes & Ritchie 2002). Teachers and caregivers are important people.
4. Anticipate and be prepared for regressions or shifts in behavior during a
child’s first weeks in the program. For example, a toddler who is toilet trained may lose
control during the separation period. An easygoing baby may cling like Velcro to the
parent. One child may increase thumb sucking, another may bite or hit occasio…
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